Just a few years ago, my days were ridden with anxiety about almost everything. I was worried about the future, ashamed of the past and had a lot of concerns about anything and everything. Back then, I still wasn’t privy to a lot of life’s wonders and felt like I was missing out on a lot. But eventually, after quite a few eye-opening experiences, I realised a simple truth — the only thing that we can surely bet on is change.
Change happens in seconds. As much as I’ve believed in good or bad in the past, very often it’s neither of those. Change is neutral and it’s often a matter of how we perceive it that counts. Going through life day by day, we often don’t realise how little things change along the way. Then, one day we look back and see just how much is different than before. We are no longer who we used to be or where we used to be, even though it felt like nothing was moving as much as we’d hoped. Oh, how wrong that assumption is.
I started my adulthood journey by choosing to study Hospitality only because it seemed to provide a stable future. One year into the journey though, it was more than evident that I was bored and didn’t really want to do this for work. I wasn’t nearly as interested in it as I was in something else — media. Around this time, it just so happened that I grappled with that very decision: should I stay in the same place or change for the better? At the end of the day, my decision was more than affirmative. At that point though, it felt like hell.
The thing is, nothing is certain. We live life, we change, we grow up, no matter how classic pop culture and wives tales try to convince us of people’s inability to change. See, someone who isn’t self-aware will never change. Not because they can’t, but because they don’t see a reason (or an option) to. These people will typically blame everyone else for their problems and completely forget about the power of accountability. It is this type of people that resonantly shine through saying “above a certain age people can no longer change themselves, what’s done is done”. But the thing is, that’s an illusion.
Every single day, we become different. We grow, learn more, get exposed to various experiences and viewpoints, we travel the world, fall in love, have children and so much more. To stay the same during all of that seems like a prison sentence. Besides, it takes all the cells in our bodies roughly 7 years to completely regenerate — what’s stopping us from doing the same? On one hand, there’s the common narrative of the public policing itself. By ensuring that nobody believes people can change, we ensure that nobody tries to change, since it’s considered impossible. Right?
But at the end of the day, there are so many possibilities for self-development if we only believe in this fact. As long as we succumb to the public opinion of “nobody ever changes” we are simply taking away so many opportunities for personal growth from ourselves. In my experience, personal growth is the exact fabric my life is made of and I can’t help but be ever more excited by any opportunity for change. In the beginning though, it was hard. I was struck by all the uncertainty and felt remarkably alone in all of it. I can’t put my finger on exactly what made me change, but I can surely try.
On one hand, I started journalling and noting down what my anxieties were all about. When I put it in writing, combining my fears with my wishes pointed to a map that made things a lot more tangible. Now I knew that what I feared was either a direct result of what I didn’t want or a stepping stone to achieving what I wanted. By choosing which one is which, I was able to create a map for myself. It helped guide me through all of the worries and anxieties to create suitable actions towards achieving what I wanted.
Of course, I sometimes got lost in the process. By focussing so much on what I had already achieved or what I had in the past, I created a lot of saddness for myself. And similarly, by looking too much into the future and trying to calculate all of the possible outcomes behind the scenes of my actions didn’t really help put me at ease. Rather than look at a stage in my life and consider that it’s almost over, or that it’s downright done, I kept holding on to it (or even the idea of it) for dear life. Then, when time came to let go it hurt so needlessly much. A lot more than it would’ve hurt if I had just let go.
But the art of letting go is a huge one. It comes with the territory of change and dives into so many aspects of our day-to-day lives. Without letting go, we are destined to stay the same and hold on to what no longer plays a role in our lives. And holding on to a past version of ourselves, our lives, our close ones never seems to help. Yes, we can mourn it. We can dive into nostalgia, listen to music we once liked or reminisce of the ‘good old days’ when we were too young and naïve to give a shit. When we still believed in the illusions that we were sold and marvelled at the glory of all the possibilities before us. Life, before life told us that we should get jaded to survive.
And honestly, that is such a lie. Yes, on one hand everything changes, but on the other side of things, being an adult gives so many possibilities for freedom and growth. The way it’s portrayed as just a series of jobs, taxes and adult responsibilities doesn’t really do it justice. Because once you’ve changed enough, you realise that you can surely do it again. You also realise that life is a journey and it doesn’t give you anything to take it so seriously as you might be inclined to after listening to others’ advice. Adulthood is a giant rollercoaster of responsibilities, yes, but it’s also a trampoline of opportunities if you see it that way.
At the end of the day, it’s all in the eye of the beholder. Some might look at the inevitability of change and try their best to go against it, while others would jump down the river and ride all the waves. For me, personally, living life in a way that embraces constant growth and change is exciting, since I see everything as a lesson. It only helps that I’m painfully self-aware and taught in the art of always seeing the error in myself first — a concept I’ve been proudly weaning myself off of. Because everything is a matter of balance and soon enough, everyone starts to discover what life means for them and thus, what they most value in life.
Me, I like to have fun. Not in the typical “jump off a plane” or “get super-duper drunk” type of way, but in the way that leans heavily on entertaining different ideas or concepts. Trying new things and making small lifestyle changes that make a huge impact. In the way of thinking, discovering new things about life itself and learning a lot about who I am as a person, where I stand and how I can become a better version of me for me. Discovering my authenticity and playing around with life’s great choices. See, years ago this would’ve been impossible. I didn’t know myself that well yet and besides, what’s the point of living life if you’re scared to live it?
This is where I am now — rediscovering my vision of life and letting go of my fears. In the past, people-pleasing has been one of my greatest vices that forced me to live in anguish, never knowing how someone else would perceive me and what they’d say about me. I was afraid to stand up for myself, always thinking that someone else had a better idea. Better things to say too. Now, things are different. I’ve learnt my lessons and am still learning some, but I am standing strong in my conviction and loving every second of my journey through life.
When it can all be gone in an instant, what else are we to do than surrender and let the flow of abundance take us wherever we need to go?
Love, Alex
